Whether by choice or because of unique circumstances, 15.04 million women live as single mothers in the US. For some women, being a single mother is a choice and a joy—many women without partners choose to foster and adopt. For others, single parenthood is not just an involuntary situation but a grievous one because of strained partner relationships. But no matter how a woman comes to be a single parent, there are some common joys and difficulties faced by every single parent—here are the ten most common ones:
- It’s Okay To Let Your Child Help
There’s always something to do as a single parent—there’s chores, bills to pay, and routines to maintain and it’s easy to feel guilty for not doing it all yourself. The reality is you can’t do everything yourself.
Help yourself ease the burden and help your child develop a sense of ownership and responsibility for themselves by inviting them to do small tasks around the house. And if you are honest with them that you need help, chances are they will be happy to step in, especially when they are young.
Depending on your child’s age, they can dress themself or clean up after themself as a start, or maybe they can drive around their younger siblings so you can get to work on time each day. There’s a balance to strike though—children can end up growing up too fast if given too much responsibility at a young age, so make space for them to continue to play, socialize, and do the things they love!
- You Don’t Have To Know Math
If your child goes to school every day, most likely they come home with homework daily. Helping them with their subjects can be a significant mental and physical drain after a full day of work which may lead to irritability and stress over unfinished homework. Check your community resource center or registry of nonprofits for after-school programs. Some nonprofits pair high school and college-aged students with local children to provide free tutoring which can help take an enormous weight off time-strapped single parents.
- Routines Will Support Good Mental Health
You have a lot to do and there aren’t enough hours in the day to do it. If you have multiple children in multiple schools, coordinating morning drop off and school pickups alone can feel like a full time job on top of your paid work.
As difficult as it may be at first, we encourage you to maintain a schedule—forward planning can save you a lot of time and stress and give you margin to be flexible when unexpected things come up. Try scheduling time each day for you and your kids to clean and cook and portion out meals at the beginning of the week to avoid having to cook daily. Even consistent bed and wake up times can benefit not only everyone’s mood but help make it easier for everyone in your household to get themselves to bed and to school on time without as much work from you.
Include your little one(s) in the routine as well; children thrive on routines and will get a sense of achievement from knowing they helped you and themselves do important tasks!
- There Are Easy Ways To Save on Meals
Whether you have one child or four, food can get pricey quickly. Inflation has hit everyone hard and children can be one of the biggest populations to experience food insecurity. In fact, one in five children are at risk for facing food insecurity, and single income households often struggle with food insecurity.
To help stretch your household income without skimping on timely, nutritious meals for your growing child(ren), explore local food banks. Many food banks offer daily meals for families including meals catered specifically for children.
- Your Support Network Isn’t Optional
Since there isn’t a partner with you to help raise your family, it’s important to curate a network of people to stand in the gap. Look around you—who in your life do you consider a kind and dependable friend to your family? Who can you rely on for assistance? Who can be creative and available to support when you need assistance? They can be older friends, other parents, friends, church members, or even family members. These folks will not only be an invaluable group to offer assistance but show your children what it looks like to live in community with other people.
- Your Child Won’t Always Be Happy
No child is happy all the time and that can be difficult for any parent to reckon with. You want the best for your little one and, for most parents, that means finding ways to give their child everything they didn’t have and encourage plenty of happy, joyful memories. The reality is, every child will experience disappointment and sadness as part of growing up. They may not get the toy they wanted for Christmas or may get bullied at school and part of developing is learning to manage negative emotions.
However, single parents often feel a deep sense of guilt when their child is unhappy. It may make them feel like they failed or are deficient in some way. Remember, your child may be sad from time to time—that’s okay. You can only give them your very best effort and energy. That may not mean big smiles and plenty of laughter all the time, but your child will feel your love and care for them and they’ll benefit from what you bring to the table in who you are as a person, regardless of what feels lacking by missing a second parent. You are enough.
- Sometimes Boundaries Get Blurred
It’s important to set and keep clear, consistent boundaries. Often, when a child spends a lot of time with adults, and in this case, an only parent, they may feel like one of the adults which may lead them to think they should have equal say and equal power. As a single parent, it may be tempting to include your child in family matters and to a degree, that’s helpful, but be careful not to include them in important decision-making.
You’re best equipped to make key decisions for your family, and while your child’s preference may factor in, they’re not old or wise enough yet to make choices that affect the wider family. Decisions on where your kids go to school, which car you drive, and what kind of diet you put your family on are choices you can and should make yourself! If you’re nervous about a particular decision, consult a friend or family member you trust.
- It’s Not Selfish To Do Things On Your Own
You need time for yourself. You may love your child and your home, but they’re not the only things that are important to you. Before kids, you likely had hobbies and interests that you rarely make time for now. Those things used to fill your cup and make you exceedingly excited and you probably miss doing them now. It’s important to invest in yourself because your best parenting will happen when you’re filled, healthy, and nourished as an individual.
When possible, carve out time for yourself. Go take the exercise class you like, read a book, go to brunch, or just cook a meal by yourself. Start with once a month and see how that works with your schedule, and work toward more frequent efforts to do the things you enjoy. You and your kids will benefit from a happier, more balanced parent!
- You’re Everyone’s Cheerleader
Parenting can sometimes be a thankless job and solo parenting can be even more isolating. It’s important, especially on tough days, to speak to yourself positively and be your own cheerleader. Some days you may feel tired or deflated but it’s important to model positive self-esteem for your child. For instance, when you’re raising your child solo and you reach a milestone like potty-training, celebrate it! It’s something to be proud of in yourself and your little one. Be affirming and kind to yourself; you’re running a marathon and positive affirmations can be the boost you need to keep going.
- It’s Tempting To Bring New Partners Home
If you’re actively dating someone new, it may be tempting to invite them over for a night cap or for a movie night, especially when looking for cheap date options. You may even see them as a kind and reliable caregiver for your little one(s), but it’s important to be mindful of who you bring around your children. Make sure you’ve got a solid foundation of trust within your new relationship before you bring them home to ensure that your child is safe and secure both physically and emotionally.
There’s so much more to know and consider when you’re a single parent, but know that you’re not alone. There are millions of solo parents out there who have developed their own systems and processes. Join the Facebook groups and community groups designed to give you the community and support you need for a flourishing family!
